And I am officially “flipping the bird” at the future.
The shock of the news of Violet’s diagnosis is dulling by the minute – helped enormously by the kindness of friends. Kind words, kind actions, offers of support. It makes a huge difference.
I sacked off the housework over the last couple of days in exchange for extra cuddles with Violet on the sofa… my “thinking time”. I’m okay now and I can’t help but feel that our little journey will be fine. No matter what happens or how she ends up after the surgery we’ll manage, of course we will, and we will do it with smiles on our faces to ensure that all our girls get through the next months with minimal idea of what is going on.
The strange thing is that its as if 2 out of my 3 children come with some kind of crystal ball. Seren, it is assumed, will be lifelong dependent on us, will develop dementia early, will have a shorter lifespan… Violet, according to the medics, will spend a lot of time in pain, will deteriorate at any time and might lose the use of her legs, bowel and bladder. But the thing is, we are only happy in our own lives when we are completely ignorant to the future – no one is giving us a long term diagnosis for Ava, and the reality is that LIFE can happen. To any of us. Serious illnesses and accidents can come out of nowhere, for any of us. I refuse to spend any more time worrying about the future and I am going back to thinking only about the present. The wonderful, lovely, fun here-and-now.
Onwards and upwards then – I know surgery was my worst nightmare and now I have to face the fact that we have to watch our youngest child endure some pretty awful stuff, but its for the best. I know that.
Thank you to everyone who is following us on our journey and is reminding us of how lucky we are to be us. I also want to say a big thank you to mother nature… autumn is my favourite season and I only have to look outside to see how beautiful life really is.