I have had a bit of a spate of “high risk” (Down’s syndrome) families getting in touch with me in the last couple of weeks. I always ask where they hear of FoD, but some are referred, some google, and others stumble across my blog in other forums. The thing about speaking with families that are “high risk” (absolutely hate the terminology but that is a whole other blog post!) is that I have to hold back, and I find it quite hard. I can only give them “facts” as I know them or answer direct questions about my life with Seren. I can’t open up and tell them about the love, the amazing life, the pride and the joy that a child with Down’s syndrome brings… that ANY wanted child brings. I can’t tell them that they would miss out if they chose not to continue with the pregnancy, I can’t tell them that the experience that awaits them will end up being so profound that they would look back and shudder at the though of having chosen another path…
I have to sit on the fence, and you have to believe me when I say that it hurts me. The fence has sharp spikes on it, and every time I answer a question sitting on the fence I sink a bit lower, the spike drive deeper and deeper… the pain is intense. Yet what is the alternative for me? I am acutely aware that I preach “balanced and accurate information” to all who have decisions to make, and yet I never thought I might be delivering that information. My personal opinions have to remain cloaked. I give the information available to me, I point in the direction of positive resources, I answer questions… and yet it is so disjointed. I want to jump up and down and SCREAM! I want to scream and scream and scream “you will love your baby!! you will love YOUR baby!!” because at the end of the day we all do. No matter how shocking the diagnosis at the beginning, no matter how long the path to acceptance… we all love our children. Unequivocally, unquestioningly and unconditionally.
I for one have absolutely no idea what I would do without Seren. We simply wouldn’t be able to exist without her.
