Baby steps and turning little corners every hour – or that’s what it feels like.
Pain relief sorted and Violet relaxed a lot. She woke every 3 hours for feeding over night and has continued to feed every 3 hours all day. This is because her usual 3 meals and 2 snacks have been replaced with a 100% milk diet while she is flat on her back. She is feeding well, so the saline & glucose drip was removed this morning. She is still having iv antibiotics, morphine and paracetamol when needed although the pain relief is starting to be given orally with a view to stopping using the canula I guess. They have also stopped with the iv anti-sickness drugs. She was being given 2 types of these during and after the procedure to stop her being sick while she shouldn’t be moving. We’re hoping she wont be sick now or else they will start them again. She is still really swollen all over though and its worst on her face and her legs. I have been told its just “one of those things” that can happen post-operatively, and I find myself wishing there had been some sort of leaflet that I could have read to prepare me for all the things that have happened to Violet.
She is making no effort to move either. She is moving her arms perfectly (has even had a little shake of a rattle) and legs a little, but is not attempting to roll or grab for the bars and pull up on them like she was before the op. At first I thought this was down to the doses of morphine that she was getting, but they have been reduced over the last hours and she is becoming a lot more alert. Now, I think its because she can feel that there is something going on in her back and she is choosing not to aggravate it. The surgeon agrees. It will be interesting to see when she starts to move a little more.
By tomorrow she will only be having paracetamol and ibuprofen for pain relief – or at least that’s the plan. If she becomes distressed with the pain again, she will be given morphine straight away. I can (very gently and mostly horizontally) pick her up and give her a cuddle late tomorrow afternoon!! I can’t wait!!
Oh, and I was allowed to get her dressed… it took ages because I had to get a nurse to very gently help me to roll her to clean her, check her dressing and roll the babygrow underneath her – luckily I had one with no feet that opened right up… she still needs to keep her monitor on her toe.
I had a lovely surprise this morning – at 10am a little person knocked at my door. Matt had brought Ava to visit. I was so pleased, I really needed to see her and get a bit of an Ava injection to boost my mood. She was here over 2 hours and somehow it really broke the day up wonderfully. I felt totally energised. Violet really responded well to seeing Ava too and I even saw her flicker a smile at her daddy and sister. I am not getting any smiles out of her yet – I get the impression she feels I have totally let her down, betrayed her even… I have allowed her to go through this pain after all and she has always looked for me to protect her and this time I haven’t been able to.
As for Violet’s war wound, its bloody huge. Considering it was such a small dimple, the surgery has left her with a 2.5 inch scar running up the length of her spine. It’s so hard to get my head around the fact that she has just had “major spinal surgery” (the exact words of her surgeon). I haven’t seen it in-the-flesh yet because it is covered with a huge sticky patch, but the surgeon pointed out the beginning and end of it and I will admit to being a little surprised… apparently the tract went quite high up, but the good news was that the surgeon got rid of it all the way up to just before it disappeared into the spinal cavity, which was the end of it anyway – or rather where it “frayed”.
Violet is doing so much better in herself today – apart from getting sporadically cross with me not picking her up and giving her a cuddle. I am glad her pain is under control now and her recovery feels well under way. I am focusing on getting a cuddle tomorrow afternoon. More importantly, I want my baby to like me again… I can’t wait to see her lovely smile come back.